some thoughts

I was thinking about the anonymity I try to keep on this blog when I was driving home from work today. I started this blog as a place to keep the thoughts I had related to a particular story about a girl named Mel and a guy named Buck. But I realized I'm not very good at this yet, and writing a story like that turned out to be way harder than I thought.

As it turns out, very few of these have anything to do with that story. Everything I've written here comes from the things I've seen and done, and almost all of my pieces has been a fairly true - if not melodramatic - interpretation of my experiences and feelings. In fact, I'm not sure I like the few I made up from scratch. All I'm doing right now is transcribing, I guess.

I write these things trying (sometimes barely and sometimes way too hard) to see if anything I've done or seen or thought might be considered profound. I write them to remember them and to see if my words can do them justice.

I'd like to be able write something that's stylistically sound and nuanced and beautiful and meaningful, but its hard enough to do that for yourself even without the fear judgment from others. That sounds like an excuse. This way I never have to try to impress anyone. It's safer if I have nothing to fear but my own criticism, which I already know is going to be unnecessarily cruel (or incredibly proud).

I write here without expecting anyone to find it (Matt, you don't count because I'm a doofus. I learned that lesson), but secretly I hope that one day someone special will find this and like it. Until then, I'll continue practicing. That's what I'm doing, isn't it? Practicing the way in which I put my thoughts into written word. When I've figured out a way to do so in a way that I'm proud of, I'll make it public.