brainstorm!

So I'm having trouble starting this weeks post. Here's a list of ideas that the Brainstormer (http://www.distractionbeast.com/brainstormer.swf) gave me. These are some interesting ideas, to say the least.

cannibalist couple in an art gallery.

fish out of water in a crowded fire station.

fish out of water in a jungle tree house.

letting go of the abandoned arcade.

healing journey in a colonial clocktower.

self preservation of the corporate queen

conflict with a god in a clocktower.

conflict with a god and a post-apocalyptic diplomat.

deliverance from a family owned monument.

feeling remorse in a beverly hills police station.

fight on an alien bus.

genius imperialist wearing a mask.

the fairytale farm enigma.

some thoughts

I was thinking about the anonymity I try to keep on this blog when I was driving home from work today. I started this blog as a place to keep the thoughts I had related to a particular story about a girl named Mel and a guy named Buck. But I realized I'm not very good at this yet, and writing a story like that turned out to be way harder than I thought.

As it turns out, very few of these have anything to do with that story. Everything I've written here comes from the things I've seen and done, and almost all of my pieces has been a fairly true - if not melodramatic - interpretation of my experiences and feelings. In fact, I'm not sure I like the few I made up from scratch. All I'm doing right now is transcribing, I guess.

I write these things trying (sometimes barely and sometimes way too hard) to see if anything I've done or seen or thought might be considered profound. I write them to remember them and to see if my words can do them justice.

I'd like to be able write something that's stylistically sound and nuanced and beautiful and meaningful, but its hard enough to do that for yourself even without the fear judgment from others. That sounds like an excuse. This way I never have to try to impress anyone. It's safer if I have nothing to fear but my own criticism, which I already know is going to be unnecessarily cruel (or incredibly proud).

I write here without expecting anyone to find it (Matt, you don't count because I'm a doofus. I learned that lesson), but secretly I hope that one day someone special will find this and like it. Until then, I'll continue practicing. That's what I'm doing, isn't it? Practicing the way in which I put my thoughts into written word. When I've figured out a way to do so in a way that I'm proud of, I'll make it public.

the beach

I was drowning in the din caused by too many cooks and the steam from their concoctions, so I got out of the kitchen.

I went for a walk on the beach and thought of nothing. I looked and smelled and felt, but it didn't mean anything to me. I didn't analyze. I wasn't actively connected to my surroundings.

The sky was tinted brown behind my glasses, and a flock of kites could only be distinguished from the gulls by their fluorescent tails. The thick salty air makes my hair expand. I could feel it writhing loose from the band holding it together. The sea left its foam to disintegrate along the sodden shore, and the course grains of sand that managed to stay out of the reach of the increasing tide worked to smooth away the calluses on my feet.

The crowd that day was made up of mostly young families and even younger couples. Each group was selfishly concerned; the families watched children while the couples cared only for their partners' form in the sea. The sound of their happy cries and words of caution and laughter were louder than the kitchen was but it's all incomprehensible against the surf's loud roar.

Even surrounded by the happy visitors, my solitude was endless. I didn't have to try to pretend to be happy or friendly or nice. I could walk and see and smell and feel and it didn't have to mean a thing to anyone, not even to me.

It felt good.

numero dos

Do you see the little bird that is sitting on the fence? He looks innocent enough. He doesn't sing or dance on his perch, but look at his wings ruffle in irritation! What do you mean? Of course he's irritated. Look at his little friends - not far off - flitting in and out of the greenery. He's not amused by any of it. His beak's held high and his beady eyes scorn their delight. Soon enough he'll leave the fence in agitation. Their chirps or the rustling of the leaves will bother his head or something like that... see there, he's off in a tizzy! His sudden flight startled them... look, the group has broken up and hidden in the bush. Don't worry, they'll be back to their play in no time.

It doesn't matter to them that he's bothered. He's probably on the hunt for less happy companions anyway... some feathered fiends more apt to heed his judgment. Ones that will feel his contempt and react to it. It'll only last a little while, though. Then he'll leave huffy again only to receive the same response elsewhere. It'll take a while I guess, but eventually he'll realize he's alone.

Some lessons taught by bad roommates

1) Kindness is the best way to get what you want unless it's from your roommate. She'll consider it permission to take advantage of you.

2) You might not get used to falling asleep with the lights on but you had better get used to the mask you decide to wear to avoid this. Tossing loudly and grumbling in your bed is not the universal sign for 'I can't sleep, turn off the damn light.'

3) Similarly, earphones are a very ineffective sign for 'Don't talk to me.'

4) If you really have to study, leave the room. Better yet, leave the apartment. Chances are those are the days her entire family has decided to pay a very loud visit. This is true when you are sick as well. Find somewhere else to sleep because nothing will stop her family from coming in an out of the room and laughing at you.

5) If you are saving that caffeinated bottled beverage, don't store it in the fridge even if it's with your food. She'll take it even though it's totally different than hers, and you will have trouble staying awake for your exam.

6) Get used to having only one spoon from your own set available for personal use.

7) Just let her do things her way. It's easier than trying to help her understand why it makes no sense. This is true for almost every situation. For example: when she's making hot chocolate, filling a fish tank or doing physics homework, don't bother.

Now that I've got that out there, I'll move on and stop grumbling about her.
I'll post something more creative by Friday.

Because Matthew seems to think I should be more subtle

It has come to my attention by way of a very astute friend that I took a grand 7 month break between posts this year. He is convinced there is a telling reason for this, but in order to assure him (and perhaps convince myself) that it was just physics homework that got in the way, I have a new self-imposed challenge:

I will post something, ANYTHING, at least once a week this summer. That means at least 12 fresh new posts by the end of September! How exciting!

Idle fingers love to type, but I hope this will become more than one of summer's amusements... maybe it will become a more subtle outlet for my findings upon introspection.

Only one person will be able to hold me to this; I guess we'll find out if he's paying attention.

So with that, Self, you're on!