Buck: journal

Dear Ernest,

Fuck the stupid accent.

You think I'll be able to keep that up for long? Doubtful. But that definitely called for some dramatics. We'll keep your name though.

Ernest.

I think it suits you.

Anyway, here's the thing, Ernest:

Buck's a jerk. A real conniving charmer who doesn't even try and still gets what he wants, and I know that now. I didn't before - or I did and just ignored it - but I gave it time and now I get it.

He tells me, Oh Mel, no one's ever cared about me the way you care about me ever before. You are the best friend I've ever had and if I could I'd be with you in a minute [paraphrased]. Then [direct quote now; who could ever forget something as priceless as this?] Just know that I am yours in heart and mind even though custom does not allow. You are great.

Then silence on both ends for weeks.

This followed sadly by intermittent, depressed and desperate pleas for attention [from me, not him]. Cut to [...sometime later]: I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been avoiding you at all. Yadda yadda. I'm sorry, I'm just a little thick at times. It's in my nature...

Did I forget to mention the I love you's? They were there too.

All of this followed by [again sometime later]: Gosh I haven't seen you in ages... why are you so busy all the time... you really don't have time between now and then to hang out at all? I could really use the support of my best friend right now...

Cut to: scenes that I won't describe for fear of my mother finding you, Ernest, and subsequently killing me.

Thinking back on this, I feel awkward and foolish. To think I bought all that tripe. If I knew then what I know now, you would probably be non-existent. I mean, in the end, this is what it comes down to: I'm a little messed up right now and need to figure out how to fix it. I decided in order to do that I would to document - to the best of my memory - everything that brought me to this state.

Anyway, that first entry wasn't even about Buck.
It was about Ace.

Even so, I need to go back to the beginning, and Buck was definitely the beginning.

I'll elaborate later... Reed's calling.
For the record though, I still think this should be read with a British accent.

-Mel